piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
