i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
