Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
