and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
