My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
