take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
