What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
