Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
