4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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