but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize