Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
