Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
