That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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