Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
