____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
