yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize