O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
