so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
