matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
