And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
