I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
