Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
