I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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