Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize