I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
