Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
