it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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