remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
