So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
