Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
