Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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