every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
