wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
