Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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