Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
