Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
