So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
