Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
