Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
