dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your cock deserves a montage
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
