I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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