I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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