dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
