i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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