Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
