you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
