i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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