i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize