I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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