She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dignity is for republicans.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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