Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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