I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
