My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize