when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
