So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize