you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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