I need to stop coming to work sober
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
