My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
