Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
