Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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