You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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