just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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