How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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