You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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