Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize