They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
