put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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