I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need a beard to bite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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