Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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