I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
