I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
