i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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