she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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