he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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