you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
