hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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