Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
