I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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