I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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