My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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