I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
