Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
