If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
time to smoke my breakfast
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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