if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
