I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
