How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
