Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize