couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
