I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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