Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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