Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
