I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
