Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
