I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
