It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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