ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
