I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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