seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
