Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize