I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
