I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
