everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize