I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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