I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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